Birth and Death

"I have made death a messenger of joy to thee, wherefore dost thou grieve?"-Baha'i Writings I have had the honour of being of assistance to people as their souls take flight as well as when little souls arrive. The reverence and beauty of these two life events are remarkably similar. I recently prepared the body of a wonderful woman for burial. As I washed her, wrapped her in white cotton and said prayers over her I could feel her soul smiling down. Her flesh was cold and without the animation of life and it became clear to me how this life is so fleeting and unimportant and only when our body is accompanied by a soul does it matter. I came home and held my vibrant children and cherish these living moments and also do not morn those who escape the limitations of this material world because they are free and watching over us and also no longer inhibited by the ego. The ego seems to be buried in the dust and only the virtues they developed in this world accompany them into the next.

Remembering the Pre-Momma You

I did it! I took a holiday without my family. In 6 years I had only ever taken 2 days off from parenting for a get-a-way weekend with hubby. I realized I needed a more significant break. My grandpa paid for my ticket to the US (thanks for the amazing birthday present grandaddy!) and so I left. I cried, wept, convulsed even, but then I got over it and after a good wobbly and nap, left on an afternoon flight. I knocked out my emotions that morning so my eyes were dry at goodbye time. Amazingly, I have felt free and fine ever since! I realized that I had began to forget my personality and was consumed with my role as mother. I finally have had a moment to step back, relax, enjoy my friends and family with no responsibility to little people (thank you hubby and in-laws for taking the reigns!). I am now refreshed, have had some time to gain some wisdom, independent life experience and renew my energy. I am confident that I will now go home and have a little more patience and a little more life wisdom to offer my husband and kids. I decided not to allow myself to feel like I was being a bad mom for leaving. I know my family also wanted me to enjoy this trip and so I did! I checked in every few days and we shared happily what they were up to and assured them of my love. Now that I have remembered myself I am confident I will love and serve my family better upon my return. What a gift! Even if you don't go as far or for as long, once your children are old enough to explain that mommy needs to go.....then GO!!! Allow yourself the gift of guilt free recuperation and everyone in the family will benefit!

a beautiful birth story

This young woman and friend has found a wonderful way to record her birth and the special days of her daughters life. Please check out her blog and perhaps you will be inspired to do this for your child too!
http://jasminemyprincess.wordpress.com/delivering/

New Home, New Chapter

The Fudu family is now beginning to settle in our new home in Westville, Durban. In life there are many stops and goes. I will post things when and if I feel inspired to do so. I'm trying to find that strange and delicate balance between technology and true human interacton....

Scatter Brain Syndrome

There is a syndrome that is not recorded in any medical science book, magazine or journal, but it is alive and rampant around the world.
From the time of conception until the day a woman begins her retirement, (Which only really begins when her children are done with university and get their own jobs), she shall suffer from Scatter Brain Syndrome.
This Syndrome consists of the following:
-To begin one task and start four others in the process
-To forget things
-To double book events
Often the sydrome will be a combination of these things at the same time.
Some call it porridge brain, other's call it stress, but whatever it's called doesn't change the fact that most of us struggle to cope with motherhood and it's demands and the confusion it leaves in other aspects of our lives. Some days and weeks run more smoothly than others.
So when you say something strange, do something awkward or just feel like your loosing it, Remember: there are women just as crazy as you all around the world. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
:)

31

Today I'm 31 and life is beginning to take new shape and form (along with my figure). I am a mother/wife/teacher/doula and since I turned 30 I have watched 50 women become mothers and welcomed so many babies to this earth. I've become more serious and a bit more crazy at the same time. I've gained wisdom and lost patience and have often reversed those gains and losses! But overall I feel more blessed each day as I watch the mother, child and family transform and grow in my home and in the homes of many others.
Life is so full of joy when love dominates our acts and words.

Learning to latch your baby...

So after observing new babies and their first attempts to feed over the last two years I have come to my own conclusion that about +-40% of new babies just open their mouth nice and wide and turn out to be natural breast feeders. The other +-60% have to learn and need help. I just worked with a women who struggled and it wasn't until the 5th day after an hour of work that we finally got the little guy on their! It was such a victory! When it is difficult and a mother does not have good support the breastfeeding experience may struggle to survive past a couple weeks. But just know that once the learning and correct habits are formed breastfeeding becomes as natural as breathing and your baby benefits beyond measure from this perfect food.

Things our children say...

May I suggest that all you moms and moms to be start writing down all the cute little things are little ones do and say. These moments pass so fast and it is easy to forget. I am vowing to write down, right here, the things that strike me when my children speak.

"Is God happy?" My son asks me this all the time when an event that stands out to him happens.

"Mom, does God dance when we play music?" -Tajalli

"When we go to sleep, does our heart go to sleep also?" -Taj



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Being a doula for a loved one

I have now assisted in 32 births and each one has been sacred and an honour to be a part of. My sister is going to have a baby any day now and I have flown to the exact opposite side of the earth to be with her for this journey. I am showering her with love, attention, massage and feel-good conversation and laughter. Our relationship is blooming into something new and beautiful. When I meet a client our relationship begins from that point and through the journey we share together we also form a sisterhood of sorts. The connection shared with a women during her pregnancy, labour, birth and in the early days is a bond that is so close and beautiful. My hope is that this journey I am taking with my sister will make me a better doula to the other sisters I will serve in the future.

Some things I have learned....

A birthing woman should be free to move, eat, drink and follow the inherent rhythms of her body. She deserves to be somewhere warm, soothing, beautiful and surrounded with love and gentle caring hands. Women need to know this is an option. Search out your dream birth, strive for it, be flexible if somethings are not possible, but take responsibility and your experience will be empowering.

Last month I assisted in three births. One was at Genesis Clinic, one was a homebirth and one was at Parklane Clinic.
I just wanted to share that having the honour to take part in such a wide variety of births is an honour and gives me great opportunities for learning.
At Genesis I was the mother's only partner. The Genesis staff and myself made her feel loved and secure with gentle support. No matter what a woman's circumstances if she surrounds herself with caring and capable people, she will have a birth that is not only beautiful, but will also give her the confidence to begin motherhood.
At the homebirth I learned that if a woman wants to birth at home she needs to make sure she is under the care of a professional midwife with many years of experience. The mother and baby were fine, but if the midwife had not been there to give the baby a bit of suction and oxygen there could have been a problem. It was a beautiful and gentle waterbirth that was very empowering to this mother.
At Parklane I was with a first time mother who was very nervous. Offering words of confirmation and gentle encouraging touch are essential to uplifting the mother and allowing her to release her fears and let her body open and show it's power. In a hospital setting it is more likely that a mom will feel like using medical pain relief. I also learned that there are some gynaes that encourage woman to birth naturally and are not quick to bring them into surgery. Search for one of these if you want to have a gynae as your primary caregiver, they are special and rare. I hope every pregnant woman will think carefully and listen to their gut. Do not be quickly convinced that you need to birth by cesarean section. Get a second opinion and find a gynae and or private midwife that will give you honest and ethical support. Chances are you can do it! If baby does need to come via c-section that is fine, just make sure the reason is valid. When you make empowered choices you will have an empowering birth, however it turns out.

What exactly is a doula?

A doula is a woman trained to support a mother emotionally and physically in a non medical way. She works with a pregnant woman by assisting her with correct and complete information during pregnancy. There is a lot of information readily available, but unfortunately this information doesn't usually highlight all birthing options and choices a woman deserves to know about. During pregnancy the doula also helps the mother work through any fears, traumas, and misinformation so that on labour day she is confident, prepared for whatever turn of events may follow and will feel empowered and happy with the choices she makes. Some doulas only do prenatal care and education, others are labour and birth doulas and some only assist with postnatal care. Many doulas do a combination of these things. Interview a few until you find someone you are comfortable with. All the best!

Women, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Yesterday I visited a client I assisted with the birth of her third child. Her three daughters were growing beautifully and she looked great. When I mentioned how nice she was looking (5 months after she had her baby) she said, I must be kidding, she thought she was fat and tired looking. Women, may I tell you that as a mother, despite how tired you feel or how much you miss the body you had before your children, you are all each so special and beautiful. Please remember that the wisdom and beauty you have gained through motherhood radiates and is what people see. I encourage each of you to focus on your beauty and not scrutinize yourselves. Your beauty is actually the light you shine on others.

Anger Management

We are not really angry people, it's just that sometimes we forget to be patient and control our reactions. As a mother of two small children who are constantly getting into cream, spilling stuff, climbing counters and other chaotic behaviour, I have noticed that my patience slips and I get angry more than before I was a mother. This morning after yet, another mess, I shouted and my daughter shouted back. If I want to teach her to deal with this world with wisdom, attention and intention, I need to be an example of it. "Women are the first educators of the next generation.", and if we want to teach our children good virtues we need to become calm and wise warriors (like Mister Miagi in the Karate Kid). From today I am taking on the challenge to catch the fly with chopsticks and stop myself before I let my anger take hold and manifest itself through immature words and volumes towards my children. Wish me luck, and good luck to you too!

Birth and Death

"Love is a light that leadeth in darkness." When we are born into this world we come into our mother's arms and are calmed by her love. As we die and are born into the next phase of our existence (whatever you believe that may be) aren't we also hoping to be caught delivered and received by loving hands? I help woman as they are having babies. The most beautiful births often times are homebirths. My neighbour is 87 and has come home from the hospital to have a homedeath. This idea was new and not a part of my life experience until now. Today she told her loved ones that she is finished here and said her goodbyes. She is now awaiting her delivery into the arms of her Creator. May much love and blessings follow her into this new birth.

no crying

My first child was born while I was squatting on a bed. She was passed to me so quickly that I announced to my husband, doula and doctor, "It's a girl!" I put her right to the breast and after her first feed, her father and myself joined her in a big tub surrounded by the sound of prayers sung in different languages. There was one small dim light, it was warm, comfortable and she looked up at us in her new peaceful space and never shed a tear.